“Hold your Breath” presents the story of Russian artist Paulina Siniatkina’s fight against tuberculosis (TB). In 2015, Paulina spent 6 months and 17 days in a TB clinic in Moscow. She went through fear, misunderstanding, anger, despair, loneliness, silence, love, friendship and hope, and left the hospital with a series of artworks that tell the stories of people who shared her fate. She created these works of art to fight the stigma attached to TB. The exhibition "Hold your breath" has been travelling the world since then, fighting stigma and urging people not to be afraid to talk about TB.
On 24 March 2017, on the occasion of World TB Day, a series of prints from "Hold your breath" were exhibited at the headquarters of the World Health Organization (WHO) in Geneva.
The paintings will be exposed at the first WHO Global Ministerial Conference on Ending TB in Moscow on 16-17 November 2017.
When I heard my diagnosis for the first time I was not afraid because I had never really heard about tuberculosis (TB) before. During my stay in the hospital I learned many things. I learned that TB is a very dangerous disease; I learned that millions of people are dying because of it, and I learned that there is a stigma surrounding this disease. People who are not infected react aggressively; they blame or avoid communications with those ill with TB. As a result, TB patients are afraid to speak out and they hide or lie about what is actually happening to them. In my experience my doctor advised me not to tell anyone I had TB, otherwise I would be branded for life. I believe that this is the main reason why humanity still cannot beat TB. As long as people are afraid to talk about it, this disease will continue to spread. I realized that I want to fight TB and the only weapon I can use is art.
It is the X-hour for everyone who is affected with tuberculosis (TB). TB can only be cured after a long course of treatment whose results and outcomes can only be observed every two months with an X-ray. Everyone waits this important day. You will often hear: “I have X-rays tomorrow!” or “Mine is next week”. And then, with a racing heart you are praying for a miracle. Doctors love to say: “I have only seen a cavity like this healing maybe five times before. It’s a sort of miracle”. And you wish to be that miraculous exception. Everyone has a completely unique story. Some suffer for 2 years, hoping for the slightest change every two months, while others are quickly cured. Some people simply stop caring about it. This disease lives its own life; it ignores the laws of logic or justice. Doctors don’t dare to give predictions. Therefore, it is necessary to believe in a miracle.
I made a self-portrait looking at the mirror in my hospital room. This is how I saw myself every morning when I woke up, for 7 long months. With my self-portrait I wanted to cheer up my hospital friends, I wanted to show them that I am not afraid to paint myself suffering from tuberculosis (TB). I think I inspired them to go forward with my project – they were very curious and they posed for my paintings with pleasure. The most important thing to me is that they were not afraid to speak anymore. So with this self-portrait I make my confession, and so do the people in my paintings. We say to everybody that we are not afraid to speak out and we want to inspire other people to break this silence, so TB patients can live without the fear of being stigmatized.
Tuberculosis (TB) and diabetes are two major diseases, which are closely interlinked to each other. People with diabetes have a higher risk of getting TB than people without diabetes. There was a whole floor of diabetes patients with TB in our hospital. Maga was one of them. When I got to the hospital, he had already checked into the hospital for the second time. However, he was not worried about it and he never lost his spirit. I think that he strived, like many others, to make hospital life enjoyable, if that is even possible, otherwise one would go crazy, constantly thinking about the pain and sorrows. Today Maga is rapidly getting better.
When I arrived at the hospital, I was shocked to find out that tuberculosis (TB) very often affects mothers right after they give birth to their children. I found it terribly sad. All mothers are immediately separated from their children, even if they have a non-infectious form of TB. At the hospital I had two roommates who were mothers, Natasha and Anya, and I saw how deeply they suffered. This inspired me to make this painting. I did not paint the reality, I painted their dream. In their dreams they were together with their children.
When Natasha got into the hospital, her youngest daughter was only 9 months and her son was 2 years old. There had been no warning signs – she always led an active, healthy lifestyle. Immediately after her diagnosis, she realized she would be separated from her children for an unknown amount of time. She, unlike me, did not waste time crying, but began to actively fight the disease to return to her family as soon as possible. I remember that she only cried twice when it became just too difficult. We checked into the hospital almost at the same time and we stood together, shoulder to shoulder. We shared sorrow, pain and joy, but I mostly remember the times we were happy. Natasha has become my friend, and I have learned a lot from her. She has a strong will and she is an optimistic person. After 8 months in the hospital, having gone through surgery, Natasha fully recovered and went back home.
Ayka surprises people when they find out how badly sick she is. This incredibly beautiful girl has come from Dagestan to Moscow, because tuberculosis (TB) cannot be treated in her homeland. Ayka was the first source of inspiration to me. I think she is the embodiment of beauty, not only on the outside but also on the inside. She doesn’t know envy or anger, but for some reason fate put her to a severe test. She has been fighting the disease since she got to the hospital in December 2014, up to now. In her homeland, Ayka studied Economics, but she now dreams of becoming a fashion designer.
There are currently five types of chemotherapy for tuberculosis (TB) patients in Russia. The strongest is the fifth type, which is used to treat XDR (Extensive Drug-Resistant) TB patients. Zhanna was one of them. She had been in the hospital for three months already when I arrived. At about this time, the tests showed that her infection was extremely resistant to TB treatment. She was immediately transferred to the surgery department to prepare her for an operation. The fifth type of treatment is used when no other medications help. These drugs are very toxic, so they have several side effects. Zhanna was waiting for all of this to end with patience. She saw many people come and go. The faces in her hospital room were constantly changing. Fortunately, after a while, the doctors noticed an improvement and Zhanna didn’t need surgery after all. She’s now at home, she was discharged from hospital a moth after me. Zhanna spent 10 months in the hospital.